Chaos and Quiet Answers

Of late, my life turned into a fierce ball of confusion. I was let go from my sales job at an American 'Big Three' Automobile company in September and since then I have taken a step back from my chaos and thought to myself "what (career wise) will make me happy?" This answer hasn't been a crack of lightening or a sudden wake-up-from-a-dead-sleep recognition. It's been a troubling journey that has been going on since 2003.

The absolute best thing I did was step away in mid October to see my best friend who is working on a winery in the Russian River Valley, CA. It was during this trip where I took a breath of fresh Cali air and left my NY-ball-of-stress behind. I met inspirational people who came from far away lands, I watched them work the land and I even helped out a bit at the winery doing punch downs. . .

(definition of punch downs: Punching down is done to keep the fermenting wine and skins mixed up during red wine fermentation. As the wine ferments, the skins rise to the top of the tank and form a thick "cap." It's important to break up the cap a few times a day to increase the extraction of color and flavor, and to prevent the cap from drying out and/or developing bacterial problems. A punch down means the cap was manually pushed back into the fermenting wine using an instrument that looks like a huge potato masher. image from Williams Selyem, the winery Merrill is working at)

I felt at peace out there, and a part of me was innocent, changed, and ready to absorb the newness of Cali. It was a flurry of excitement, I ran around with Merrill like we used to do on the streets of Manhattan except it was fields of grapes, perfect night sky's and conversations that kept me awake every moment I was out there. We could not fit in enough good food, good wine, good bubbles, good laughs.. it was all so beautiful. I promised her when I left that I would be back, and I know I will be back at some point. I became inspired by the land, the soft hills, the people who really would look you in the eye. I could see myself painting and swimming again out there, and THAT is the definition of inspired Nevine. There was happiness around every corner. Could it be that for this long I have been out of my element, a fish out of water?

I came back to NY unhappy, I wanted to stay out there and run around forever. I wanted to know everything there was about every different type of wine, I wanted to be working the land with my new friends. . . but reality set in, wine making was not my calling, I have to go back to make the money's to pay my bills, and get myself ready for the future.

Although the future was tough, undefined and downright discouraging with my first couple weeks back. All of this potential was bubbling on high heat and I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go. Because of all of these conundrum's I turned to my friends who gave me insight and honesty. I am a manager in retail with a structured but artsy flair to my style. I pride myself on my unique taste and have a great love of fashion, maketing, advertising and merchandising. All of this chaos I would love to incorporate into a career. So, bottom line is I think I am meant for the West Coast but not until I am ready with a bit more schooling in Fashion Merchandising. This is all such great news for me, I am finally letting a sigh of relief out! & letting my life begin.

Thank you dear friends, and thank you California.