The Balance and In-Between

Explore, Dream, Discover

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

I saw this quote last night, and have never been so inspired from a quote. It sums up everything in my being. Of late I have been discouraged and encouraged by the dogged job hunt. This quote spoke simply to me.

I am thirsting for the world. I want to see, experience, and take it all in.

Lately I have been very 'lost' in a sense but we must remember. . .

"Not all who wander are lost"

"The DJ"

The DJ and I Nov '05

I met my college boyfriend when I was eighteen. He made me feel like a special, beautiful ray of sunshine. Everything that I deserved to feel, he pointed it all out. He was funny, sensitive, exciting and a great listener. He always did the right things by me and I noticed it. In a college town full of selfish people, he was quite the contrary to the average. He called me his Queen Nevine, and had a low, sexy and raspy voice that I loved. We shall call him "The DJ".

It took almost two years for us to actually become official, but once we were- things were easy, and they worked. Of course only for awhile, but looking back- I don't want to focus on the bad, just the good memories. Three years of good memories. We lived together, bought a dog together, bought furniture together, vacationed together, became pre-engaged, were planning a life together... I was going to be Mrs. DJ.

We spent so many nights together making each other laugh, making each other dinner, making beautiful memories. Oodles of time were spent thinking of one another when we were apart (which was never for too long) and we bought each other little special presents. We would usually try to have lunch together, in between my classes and during some free time. I would show up at his job and do homework in the back room. We were programmed into each others lives. He would work late 3 nights a week, and I would have an automatic, internal 'The DJ alarm' that would pop off to make sure to give him a call at his nightly DJ gig to see if he was on his way home safely to me.

We would alternate taking care of our dog. When I was at class he'd make sure she was cared for and visa versa when he was at work. We loved cooking, he taught me his famous recipe of Italian Red Sauce, even though I hated red sauce I was enamored with his intensity towards it and wanted to be a good little helper in the kitchen.

We were big kids at heart. We loved video games and owned every system on the market as well as from the past. A perfect sunday to us was a visit to a used video game store, Toys R' Us and a home cooked meal- afterwards we'd play with our new board games and invite friends over. He made me laugh, and he made me cry on so many occasions of laughing so hard. He made me HAPPY.

We would play practical jokes on each other. He once poured a large cup of freezing water on my head while I was singing in the shower. I used to tickle his feet when he was trying to sleep in after a long night of DJing. We did each other's laundry, put gas in one another's cars and genuinely looked after each other.

We struggled as a couple, like all do. There were times that we were so dirt poor that his mother would take us to the grocery store. Other times we would just skate on by with nothing, waiting for the next paycheck. We had our fair share of great times and deep caves of scary times.

He definitely had a weight problem and a sweating problem, (looking back it makes me laugh when I say those things- and how picky I am now!) His weight/sweat problem was due to a benign tumor in his adrenal glad, and it didn't matter to me, I adored his personality and the way he made me feel and laugh. He was smart too, a UCLA college graduate, and a fluent French speaker, he lived in France for almost a year, and he had been a sniper in the Marines. I was enamored by his verbal resume that he spoke to me about, and showed this off to my friends, parents, grandparents, family, co-workers, college professors. . . everyone I knew. I was proud of him, he was someone I was proud of and in love with.

We assisted in the aid of two great pairs of our friends eloping. And, one pair of friends wound up getting married. The DJ and I did special things when we were together, we were an unstoppable team of sorts. Except, one thing I never understood was why my intelligent, smart, worldy boyfriend was constantly settling for mediocrity, a nightly DJ gig and a manager of a sporting-goods store.

Our breakup was a tough dose of medicine to swallow the semester that I was becoming an adult, the last semester of my senior year. But what I found out was that he was a LIAR.

The truth to his being, his verbal resume, was entirely false. And, not for nothing- it shocked me into submission. My great college love, I began to hate. I hated that he lied to me, I hated that I lived with him, I hated that I looked around the apartment which was so littered with aspects of a combined him and I. I hated that I was in this position.

In the midst of that break up was a wake up call. Three years after the butterflies, the promise ring came off my finger, the lease was severed, the dog was kidnapped (by me), the DVD's were separated, cardboard boxes came out, and my heart would bleed for months, and years to an extent.

Life became ugly at that point. Ugly, sad and poignant.

At such a precious time to my well-being, and celebration of my college, I didn't care. I was in the midst of heart wrenching sorrow. I wound up moving myself out and sleeping on my best girlfriends floor. Another hard medicine to swallow, but I can never be so grateful to have such a strong friend in my life.

There were nights (that turned into weeks) that my nervous system was on such high-alert that I would shake with sleeplessness through the nights, I went on a solid week without real sleep. I was a DAMN MESS! Phone calls around the clock to my mother, and pacing, always pacing, and on the defense. My best friend would listen to me cry myself to sleep for hours, and we both knew nothing she would or could say would help my pain.

Sometimes I couldn't figure out why I was sad. He was trying to hold onto every last thread of the relationship, and doing wonderful things to prove how sorry he was. I came home to his new apartment one night and there was a candle on every single stair case that led up to his new place and our song was playing. He was waiting for me at the top, and led me into a slow dance. It was beautiful and perfect, but to me it didn't feel right. Too little, too late, the damage had already been done.

I loved that man to no end, and I wanted us to work. But if this person had deceived me about who he was as an individual, what else could he be capable of lying about? I knew in my heart I didn't want to stick around for the rest of my life to figure that out.

In no way do I hate The DJ, he did the best by me and really loved me, looking back he was an amazing and perfect chapter for my college days. I went through some unusual stresses in college - which are highly personal. In a town of unfriendly faces, The DJ was my best friend and protector. He had strength and an intense love for me and even saved me from a painful death of acute appendicitis.

I put my trust and love into this man. So when he was no longer in my life, this empty, disgusting and deep void filled me. But soon happy things began to happen, and I turned to my family who saved me from that deep void.

And so here I am, almost two years after the beginning of the break-up with the biggest relationship of my life, and I'm doing much better! No more sleepless nights on floors, things actually became BEAUTIFUL in my life. I landed an amazing internship at a NYC based PR firm that sprung into a position with the company. I even landed a job worked at an American automotive company! Who would of thunk?! Through those dark times, I couldn't imagine which way was up, much less how bright my future actually was.

I realized who the people in my life that were worth keeping around. My judgement became a bit sharper and my parents have been wonderful and let me live in there house post-break up. But it has been the people in my life that have really launched me into letting myself "BE SOMEBODY" they never let me doubt my potential, and the rays of sunshine have been a bit hazy two years after the breakup. But, I have this earth shaking feeling that something great is about to happen.

There was an after thought with Mr. DJ. We ended it officially in August of '08, that's when the phone calls stopped and the contact stopped. But, we got back in contact in December and walked around the streets of Manhattan during the Holiday excitement. It was a night that the Christmas tree was lit up, actually just about a year ago. I walked around with him, and nothing was the same, he was arrogant and ready to prove himself to me. There was nothing kind about him anymore. I can't imagine the pain and embarrassment that he must have felt over his self-concocted lie and the trauma of the breakup. But there was nothing sweet about him any longer. It was that night that I realized, this was stupid to upkeep. And, just like that I ran to the train after hugging him goodbye, and we've never spoke since.

"We Aquire the Strength we have Overcome" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wishful Drinking

Carrie Fisher, you are brilliant in your one-lady show. You speak of your skrewy Hollywood roots and jest at your zainy up-bringings. Surrounded by drugs, alcohol and infidelity, you were a product of American royalty.

My mother referred to her as 'troubled' - which I don't necessarily disagree with, nor do I blame the broad for a history of mood swings and manic-depressive behavior. I too, would have felt the same way if my up-bringing was so unstable. The thing I admired so much about Carrie, is her perseverance. Life gets tough, lets face it, it can be downright miserable and Carrie had no shortage of ahem *life*.

I loved how she was covered in sparkles, and I enjoyed the music, the slideshow behind her and her delicious interaction with the audience. She spoke of addictions and she always avoids touching on self-pity, it jumps away from that with a laugh out loud reaction from the audience. Wether she is lecturing with well done visual aids on 'Hollywood Inbreeding 101' to convince her daughter if it was okay to date 'so and so'.

The iconic Princess Leia that Carrie Fisher will forever be linked to raises the roof with laugh out loud moments. Carrie presents a Leia sex doll, and a pez despenser, forever putting a stereotype on her image from nearly thirty years ago. I don't want to give too much away, the laugh out loud moments were too many to count. It sort of has you walking away from the show and wondering about your own mental illness after Carrie quizzes the audience on a popular psychology questionnaire. But mostly you walk away from the show with a feel-good feeling on how someone could take so much woe from life and turn it into a bright, hilarious story of her!

Questioning . . .

Some Inspiration. Some Beauty. Some Motivation.

"one of the most tragic things i know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. we are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon- instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today."

-dale carnegie

"learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in life has a purpose."

-elisabeth kubler-ross

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you."

-Christian D. Larson

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." -E.E. Cummings

"You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it's right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe that." -Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

"pain nourishes courage. you can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."

-mary tyler moore

"there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

-maya angelou

"don't be afraid of death. be afraid of an unlived life. you don't have to live forever, you just have to live."

-tuck everlasting

"you build on failure. you use it as a stepping stone. close the door on the past. you don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. you don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space."

-johnny cash

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. "

-Charlie DuBois

My Bucket List

In a perfect world . . .

I would have enough money to travel and see the world.

And this is what I would like to do.

Sail from New Zealand to Australia & back. . .

See Fiji, Hong Kong and Singapore.

Have my honeymoon in Greece on a boat, sailing around and island hopping.

Experience the Wineries in France and taste at least 100 of the different types of cheeses!

Spend some quality time in Barcelona.

See the town my Grandmother was born in: Kilcar, Ireland.

See Rio and the Galapagos Islands.

Spend times in England with my cousins.

Scuba dive and snorkel the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.

Learn how to surf.

Live and raise my family in San Francisco.

and until that moment, when this all has the potential to happen,

I'm gonna post this quote:

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves ...

Don't search for the answers,

which could not be given to you now,

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Perhaps then, someday far in the future,

you will gradually, without even noticing it,

live your way into the answer.

I want to take the world right now & SHAKE IT!

I met someone special... in California.

We had this connection

that was

INTENSE

& it's been almost two months that I've seen his face.

He lives in New Zealand

has a 177 year old sailboat

that is 42 feet long.

It's the second oldest boat in New Zealand.

He's got this quiet nature and lovely smile.

His head of hair is crazy, black, and curly.

He's strong,

my best friend watched him push a cork into a bottle of wine

b/c they forgot the wine opener.

I dream about him.

& wish we could spend every night together.

& sometimes my heart hurts

but I mask that hurt because I know we will see each other again,

it's just a matter of when.

Oh Mr. New Zealand. . .

MoMA: Tim Burton

If you haven't gotten down to the MoMA for Tim Burton's exhibit: GO!

You will not regret this show.

Burton's exhibit is fantastic.

I was sweating and surrounded by too many people.

But the content was incredible.

To see him evolve from his student art in the 50's to working on huge projects like:

The Nightmare Before Christmas, Beetlejuice, Batman, & Edward Scissorhands.

Something interesting was the scale of the figurines used for The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Then to think of the pure genius behind how many figures and camera takes were used for one scene, it blew my mind.

The sketches on display for the costumes that The Joker, Catwoman and The Penguin from the first Batman movie are dead on. & to boot Catwoman's costume is on display.

Holy tiny waste Michelle Pfeiffer!

Edward Scissorhands costume is on display as well and it makes you think: how tall is Johnny Depp?! When I just googled Johnny Depp's height he is apparently 5'10'' but the stature in the costume was small.

It's a feel good exhibit, but with some dark context. When looking at some doodles of dino's from Burton's youth, I felt: "He is so simple, yet so effective." He makes these little cartoon characters vomit, fart, and they are hilarious.

I highly recommend Burton's exhibit at the MOMA.

See it: it's hot!

From Whence I Came

Thanksgiving dinner with my family I sat and looked around at the people who surrounded me. Across from me sat my Grandmother who is turning 98 years old in two days. She is a beautiful woman from Northern Ireland, she migrated here in 1936. I inherited her sparkling green eyes.

Grandma came to New York city in '36, an exciting time indeed! She watched the sky scrapers rise throughout our fine city and was lucky enough to be at the opening night of Radio City Music Hall. Grandma, you rock my socks off! She told me that when all the sky scrapers were rising, it was fun to pass time with girlfriends by going into the newest building and riding the elevators to the top floors over and over again. She lived through exciting times indeed!

Grandma is my Mother's Mom. My mother is a woman with 100% Irish roots. Her Mom, my Grandma an immigrant and my Grandfather was from pure Irish descent, his parents came over during the potato famine. Half of Nevine is Irish, while the other half is pure American. At my father's side I am a direct descendant from William Bradford who came over on the Mayflower.

I don't want to bore anyone with my family genealogy. But sitting around the Thanksgiving dinner table I felt proud of my roots and from whence I came. My family is one that overcomes adversity and migrated over to this country for a better life.

The friends that I have keep me ticking through the hard times, but what I have learned through this adversity is that I deserve great things. I sometimes put myself in a position that is not something required, and is precarious to my mental health. I want a job to launch my career, not just because it's a job. I want a romantic situation in my life that involves someone strong, kind, and can make me laugh.

I have worked hard until this point, and I have always been honest and trustworthy. I feel that it is about that time for blossoming and starting my life.

Love, live and let loose! I'm ready to be apart of it all.

Danger Ahead: I've woken up!

I can't slow down.

I'm dreaming and living through this incredible life! I'm so close to the edge.

This is the cusp of the invention of me.

I'm feeling choc-full-of-intensity.

Nothing is too hard right now, it's all right there for the taking.

Nevine woke up.

The groveling, being picked on, other people's addictions, scared, unsure; me. . .

I am leaving her in the past.

With fond memories of the girl I was, metamorphosing into the woman I choose to be.

I am me, putting myself back together, re-uniting my pride and crumbled blueprint of past dreams and ideas. Those ideas and dreams, stomped on by fear...

No longer!

I want to grow, learn, prosper, enjoy, drive fast, look forward, live in the moment.

No one knows how bad I want this, only me.

I am a phoenix whose growing into her long, beautiful, charismatic feathers.

Here I am world, take me for what I am. Full of color, melodies, laughter, love and flare.

The Flea Market

I went to coffee with a friend of mine last night who is in a similar post-breakup period. I asked him if he missed his x and he replied for ten ultra-intense minutes a day. His question back to me and I said "I miss him when he is linked to specific event that I loved," for instance watching Sunday night episodes of 'Mad Men' together, or how he would record episodes of 'Project Runway' for me to get hyper excited over when I came for a visit. But the thing I most miss about him is our Sunday mornings together. My stomach turns a big concave inwards when I think about it and it feels like someone has poured salt on a wound... I miss the FLEA MARKET!

Every sunday morning as poignant as weekly religion, we would hit up early the Flea Market. We would wander up and down the aisles, linked arm and arm, both legs moving at the same pace, at the same time. We often joked about how we were so in synch that we could blow away competition at a three legged race. But we were in-synch here, it was our favorite thing to do together. The flea market sells random things from old teapots to dingy old toys from the 90's, I could go on but it's as if you wandered into every strangers attack of stuff they don't need or use and were allowed to have a look around. It was all there for us and we would enjoy every moment of it.

Along with the oblong surrounding of random objects came the artists from far and wide. With extraordinary talents that I would admire. I snapped this quick picture of a life size spoon and fork dancing, a lawn ornament that the wind moves in a forever circle. Although the price ranges were usually too extraordinary for an early 20's gal, I would breath in the creativity. I had a soft spot for ladies who made there own jewelry, and have acquired many a bracelet and necklace to add to my collection of sparkles. James was always satisfied with the array of tools found at the flea market and he would bulk his electrician bag up with well priced tools. It was fun to barter with the salespeople, we wanted the best price and we usually would only show up with $20 to achieve our vision. Both of us were usually completely satisfied when walking to the car with our array of goodies after our Sunday morning ritual.

Today is one of those beautiful weekend mornings and when I went outside and my heart ached for the simplicity of my former relationship and of having someone to go to the Flea Market with who was just as passionate about it as I am. Call me selfish, call me wicked, is it odd that a weekend event I could miss so terribly? and with that longing comes 'those old feelings' for the man that I cared for? Oh complications, oh heart filled with void! With the November cold comes a slow to the festivities of the Flea Market and it winds down for the winter. All I can hope for is my heartache will peter down at the same pace the Flea Market does.

Barrie n' Me

Back in the day of when I was first living off campus in Southside Complex. . . my roomate was Barrie. It was so funny that we were just sort of friendly friends on the SUNY New Paltz Varsity Swim Team. She swam in a different lane than I did, and our social circles only merged because we were on the swim team together.

Everything changed w

hen I decided to take Art classes at college over the summer time. It was summer time 2005 . . . I stayed up there and subleased a little apartment above The Piano Bar on Main Street. It was a perfect location, I would cook dinner for my brother or guests and they would lounge and listen to the piano music serenade us through the floor. It was dreamy, hot and fans were buzzing through the thick summer heat.

I became friends with Barrie that summer, we played in the streets of New Paltz and ran around during the summer days. We became gung-ho about going to the High School track every evening and pushing each other to work our bodies to the maximum in order to get

ready for the season. We lounged in bikini's hung-over and tanned during the summer day heat.

She was there for me as the romance blossomed between my College Sweetheart, whom I wound up dating for three years. We would sit up at night and talk about my feelings for him. She was the one I went out with the first night Phil and I hung out . . . It was a ditzy night of mine, I set my cell phone down on the table and said to her "Barrie, I don't hang out with anyone but you, so why do I need a cell phone?" My naive, nineteen year old self was ready for a night of fun. The rest was a dark night, needless to say I should have had a cell phone with me since I scared the B-Jesus out of poor Barrie who lost me and nearly had a panic attack over trying to find me.

Barrie and I shared many nights of adventures, and day times filled with the Sci-Fi channel, baking, cooking and in general having a blast together! We had a falling out and I wish I hadn't been so cruel, things were rocky for me at the time and my Irish/Welsch anger can get the best of me when I least expect it. Years later we are still friends as ever. We both would take long lunches in New York City and catch up, we worked about 6 blocks from one-another.

I haven't seen Barrie in about nine months now, but we can still call each other up and leave it off at the exact same position. She knows I am having difficulty right now getting my head straight, a long talk has helped me. She put her accounting skills to use and gave me financial perspective on my dreams. Because of Barrie in my life, she has made things better, and I know we will always be friends.

Yankees!

The New York Yankees are the winners of the 27th World Series. CONGRATULATIONS YANKEES! You make me proud to be a New Yorker. :0)

An ode to worries. . .

I went through a tough and dark period in my life a year and a half ago.

I am grateful I overcame it and for the people in my life who would listen to me cry. . .

Do not look forward in fear to the change in life;

rather look to them with full hope that as they arise.

God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely

through all things: and when you cannot stand it,

God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may

happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who

cares for you today will take care of you then and

every day. He will either shield you from suffering, or

will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace

and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

Love, that isn't Right. . .

In springtime, I fell in love with someone. We met at a party we had both never been to, on a night of no expectations. He made me laugh, feel comfortable and I didn't have to try hard when we were together. Conversations flowed naturally and we fell in love quickly. At the time my life was what I wanted it to be, I worked for Corporate America, was making decent money and felt like things were finally coming together for myself.

I have to be honest, I've never been a good 'picker' for boyfriends, they are usually liars, or a muddled bag of 'just not right'. But this new man felt different, felt comfortable and I could see myself settling and starting a nice life together, or at the time I was craving all those cushy ideas. For the first couple of months I was blinded by my intense feelings for him, and felt happy and confident about our honeymoon period. I showed him everything I cared about and introduced him full force into my life. My parents, aunt, brother, college friends, high school friends, and co-workers all met him and understood my radiance as love.

It was about a month into the relationship that I realized whenever I was with him we were boozing hard. I never hit the bottle as hard as him, but didn't mind our spring time afternoon hikes into a field to watch a sunset. However they were usually accompanied with a picnic basket and a bottle of wine. Those were the romantic effects of his addiction, but it was hard when I would watch him wreck himself on a Sunday afternoon. I didn't feel the effects of this for awhile, but then I noticed when he looked at his watch one day at 7:45pm and suddenly he had to get to the liquor store in the next 15 minutes. My thoughts and fears simply asked him: "are you an alcoholic?" he shook his hand in a 'sort of' wave and kept on.

A couple weeks later I saw his addictions come out full force and it broke my heart, but mostly scared the hell out of me. I won't get into the nitty gritty of his addiction, but I will focus on my reaction. . . one of pure surprise and sadness. I kept up the relationship for a couple more months, and wanted to make it work. I loved his small town vibes and how we saw beauty in the world. I loved his sense of humor and openness. But there were times when I would realize that we were so different.

I have always dreamed of living in a big city, having a career that enables me to see the world, and living a life that inspires my inner creativity. His addictions limited his visions as well as he just wanted a life of living in the same town he was born in and being happy with just that. I'm saddened that we broke up, and sometimes I wish I could have helped him more with his addiction. But at the time I did all I could, I signed him up for AA meetings and tried talking to him about it. All were failed attempts that made me feel defeated. I truly cared about this man and about our relationship. I realized I needed to chase my dreams and a relationship was not going to help....

My thoughts are with him always.

Chaos and Quiet Answers

Of late, my life turned into a fierce ball of confusion. I was let go from my sales job at an American 'Big Three' Automobile company in September and since then I have taken a step back from my chaos and thought to myself "what (career wise) will make me happy?" This answer hasn't been a crack of lightening or a sudden wake-up-from-a-dead-sleep recognition. It's been a troubling journey that has been going on since 2003.

The absolute best thing I did was step away in mid October to see my best friend who is working on a winery in the Russian River Valley, CA. It was during this trip where I took a breath of fresh Cali air and left my NY-ball-of-stress behind. I met inspirational people who came from far away lands, I watched them work the land and I even helped out a bit at the winery doing punch downs. . .

(definition of punch downs: Punching down is done to keep the fermenting wine and skins mixed up during red wine fermentation. As the wine ferments, the skins rise to the top of the tank and form a thick "cap." It's important to break up the cap a few times a day to increase the extraction of color and flavor, and to prevent the cap from drying out and/or developing bacterial problems. A punch down means the cap was manually pushed back into the fermenting wine using an instrument that looks like a huge potato masher. image from Williams Selyem, the winery Merrill is working at)

I felt at peace out there, and a part of me was innocent, changed, and ready to absorb the newness of Cali. It was a flurry of excitement, I ran around with Merrill like we used to do on the streets of Manhattan except it was fields of grapes, perfect night sky's and conversations that kept me awake every moment I was out there. We could not fit in enough good food, good wine, good bubbles, good laughs.. it was all so beautiful. I promised her when I left that I would be back, and I know I will be back at some point. I became inspired by the land, the soft hills, the people who really would look you in the eye. I could see myself painting and swimming again out there, and THAT is the definition of inspired Nevine. There was happiness around every corner. Could it be that for this long I have been out of my element, a fish out of water?

I came back to NY unhappy, I wanted to stay out there and run around forever. I wanted to know everything there was about every different type of wine, I wanted to be working the land with my new friends. . . but reality set in, wine making was not my calling, I have to go back to make the money's to pay my bills, and get myself ready for the future.

Although the future was tough, undefined and downright discouraging with my first couple weeks back. All of this potential was bubbling on high heat and I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go. Because of all of these conundrum's I turned to my friends who gave me insight and honesty. I am a manager in retail with a structured but artsy flair to my style. I pride myself on my unique taste and have a great love of fashion, maketing, advertising and merchandising. All of this chaos I would love to incorporate into a career. So, bottom line is I think I am meant for the West Coast but not until I am ready with a bit more schooling in Fashion Merchandising. This is all such great news for me, I am finally letting a sigh of relief out! & letting my life begin.

Thank you dear friends, and thank you California.

the cusp of verve

Words, oh joy! Here I come, started: 05.07.09 - whatta date!